Best Friends Playing Best Friends, How Poetic
by hedwigmail
Summary: Barefic! Ivy asks Peter for dating advice on how to get Jason. Oneshot.


Peter perked up and pushed himself into a sitting position from his place lying on his bed as he heard a knock on the door. _Jason's at practice. It can't be him…_ he tried to convince himself, attempting to banish all thoughts of cancelled practices and naked, sweaty jocks. _Besides,_ he sighed to himself, _why would Jason knock?_

"Come in," He called to the door, looking to see if it was unlocked and hoping that whoever the un-welcomed guest was would leave faster than they came.

But as Ivy entered, most of the Peter's plans for that night died inside his head. Ivy. Ivy means spending the hour left of Jason's practice sitting around awkwardly waiting for him to return. Half of which he would have been doing anyway, but Peter could really get along fine without the awkward part. But Ivy also meant a greatly reduced chance of fun extra curricular activities happening that night for anyone in this room. So, Ivy automatically caught Peter at a bad time just about whenever she was in this god damned room.

Jason's not here." Peter said, quickly picking up the Grimmerie, which he had just been reading and pretending to become immersed in whatever page he flipped to. "You can try back in two hours if you want to." Okay, he was due back in an hour, if not less, but "running lines" and "playing baseball" were a bit more important to Peter than Ivy getting her share of time to hit on _his_ man.

Ivy giggled, "So, what, I just come here and it's automatically assumed I'm here for Jason?" She closed the door behind her, not giving him time to respond. "Actually, I'm here to talk to you."

"Me?" Peter frowned and put his Grimmerie up onto the enormous nightstand he shared with Jason. "Why could you want to talk to me?"

"Well, you _are_ Jason's best friend, right?" She sat down on the bed next to him, smoothing out the cushions and looking at the cover of his book. Ivy bit her lip and fought very hard to hold back a laugh when she identified it as hardcore Broadway memorabilia. _Wow…_

"Yeah…" replied Peter, inching away from her, back towards his headboard. _What does Ivy want now? She already has my boyfriend, my life, outside of this room, what do I have of any value that she hasn't already (unknowingly) taken from me?_

"So you know all about him, right?" She asked, inching closer.

"Um… Yeah…" He replied, inching back so far that his back was flat against the headboard. _I know everything about him… Which is a hell of a lot more than anyone else here can say…_

"So…" Ivy continued, smiling up at Peter hopefully. "You would be able to tell me his likes and dislikes? Like… how I could get him to go on at least one god damned date with me?" She giggled, trying to say it casually, but her hopeful eyes betrayed her.

_Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me. No. I have to site through all the shit of Jason and the sluts (nice sluts, mind you, friendly sluts, but sluts none-the-less) who want to be his girlfriends. I have to site back and watch the fucking "game" and now Ivy asks help on getting MY boyfriend into bed. Well, I mean, I have tips on that, but… why would I tell Ivy them?_ "Well… I… I don't really know… I guess… Well… I don't… Jason… He… Well… Why don't… You could… I guess it would be okay if… I…You should… How bout…"

Peter was so confused; he was stretched to his limit. _Why can't I just tell her? I'm tired of all this hiding. I don't want to anymore… It would just solve everything if I could just tell them… I will._ "Ivy, actually… I'm kind of…"

Wait… Ivy wants me to hook her up with Jason… I could really screw things up for her. In a nice way. But still…

"Actually…" Peter changed demeanors, smiling slightly. "I know what you should do. I'll give you tips on getting his attention. The things he loves in a… girl." He smirked, getting up, just to get further away from Ivy. She was nice and all, and he liked her, just not that way. She was a bit too close for him. "Well, you should really stick out your chest as much as you can. He loves girls with big chests." He turned to the wall so he could laugh silently without Ivy seeing him. "Tell him how hott you think he is. Every available moment, just keep reminding him. Every time you see him. Also, mention how great high-pitched falsetto voices are. And do a few, if you can." He turned to face her again, looking at her pointedly. "You should probably be writing all this down." He moved to his desk and rummaged around for a pad of paper and a pen, walking back over to her to give it to her.

She uncapped the pen quckly, jotting down what she remembered and looking back up at Peter expectantly.

"Um…" he though, turning back to the wall. _Anything else Jason hates? Well, I could tell her to start loving Broadway, but that would probably be an overdose on Musical Theatre in Jase's life… Um…_ "Oh, and try to crack your knuckles as much as you can. He told me that, for some reason, he finds that a turn on… I dunno."

Ivy paused, looking up at him confusedly. "Cracking my knuckles? Like… this?" She brought her hands together and hesitantly pressed her knuckles down, making a long series of loud cracks.

"Y-… yeah. Like that." Peter turned away and attempted not to cringe; he hated people cracking their knuckles nearly as much as Jason did.

"So… Peter finished, turning back to Ivy and smiling, "That's all I've got… Are you good?"

"Yes!" Ivy smiled back, ripping the first page of paper off the pad and stuffing it into her pocket. "Thanks a million, Petey!"

Peter winced inwardly; he hated that nickname. "No problem, Ivy. They'll be sure to help you!" He opened the door for her, smiling again. "See ya!" _Get out of my room…_

"Bye!" Ivy beamed as she backed out the door and began to… skip… down the hallway.

He smiled until the door was closed. Then he smirked. _These next few days… Weeks… Months were going to be interesting…_

He went back to sitting on his bed and reading his book for what must have been the hundredth time. But it was a documentary sort of thing, so it wasn't as if the plot" could get boring.

Jason came in a few minutes later with a scared and shocked look in his eyes.

"You okay?" Peter asked, closing his book and sitting up on his bed.

Jason attempted to shake it off. Finally, he said "You will not believe what just happened to me in the hallway…"


End file.
